#95

Sometimes you got to flip out and go bat shit crazy to make a point.

#27

When your teenage daughter is upset, learning when to engage and when to back off will add years to YOUR life. 

 If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

#12

At times, her actions, thought processes, feelings... or some combination of the three, will be beyond your ability to comprehend. 
Don’t even try... But when in doubt... trust your heart. She already does.

#128

Take her swimsuit shopping...
Don’t be afraid to veto some of her choices, but resist the urge to buy her full-body beach pajamas.

#19

#62

Address anyone who carries a firearm professionally as Sir or Ma’am.

#24

NEVER miss her birthday. 
In ten years she won’t remember the present you gave her, she will remember if you weren’t there.

#2000

Learn when to say no. 
She may be fucking pissed today, but someday you’ll both be glad you stuck to your guns.

#706

Tell her she’s beautiful. Say it over and over again. Someday an animated movie or “beauty” magazine will try to convince her otherwise.

#101

Mothers will be selfish about their children. This is what makes them great.
You, just breathe, say yes, and pay the bills... AND NOT A PEEP OUT THE PIE-HOLE!
You might even learn something or two this time around...

#40

She will fight with her mother... Choose sides wisely.

#7

Savor every moment you have together.
Today she’s crawling around the house in diapers, tomorrow you’re handing her the keys to the car, and before you know it, you’re walking her down the aisle.
Some day soon, hanging out with her old man won’t be the the coolest thing ever anymore.
Life happens pretty fast. You better cherish it while you can.

#5

I'm not here to control you like a puppet... I'm just trying to show you what works and what doesn't work.

#899

Of course you look silly playing peek-a-boo... You should play anyway.

#16

Don't give a fuck!

#20

Your daughter HAS to know how to change a flat tire... A tire without air shouldn't be a major panic inducing event in her life. She’ll still call you crying the first time it happens.

#246

It has to be mandatory for a child to know who this people or bands are (even though you have no clue who they are) GOOGLE THEM:

Motorhead
Elvis Presley
Elton John
Madonna
Run-D.M.C.
Rush
Janis Joplin
The Doors
Matallica (James Hetfield, Kirk Hammett, Jason Newsted, Lars Ulrich, Cliff Burton, Robert Trujillo)
Led Zeppelin
Megadeth (Dave Mustaine, Dave Ellefson)
Neil Young
Genesis (Phil Colins, Peter Gabriel)
Rage against the machine
Neil Diamond
Ted Nungent
Alice Cooper
Red Hot Chili Peppers (Anthony Kiedis, Flea, John Frusciante, Chad Smith)
Dave Navarro
Guns N’ Roses (Axl Rose, Slash, Steven Adler, Izzy Stradlin, Duff McKagan, Mat Sorum, Gilby Clarke)
The Beastie Boys
Eric Clapton
Pink Floyd
Johnny Cash
Nat “King” Cole
Queen
Michael Jackson
Aerosmith
The Ramones
The Police
Sting
David Bowie
AC/DC
ZZ Top
Bob Seger
The Beatles (George Harrison, John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr)
Anthrax
The Kinks
Parliament-Funkadelic
Jefferson Airplane
Bob Dylan
U2
Frank Zappa
Lynyrd Skynyrd
Miles Davis
Blondie
Black Sabbath (Terry “Geezer” Butler, Tony Iommi, Ozzy Osbourne, Bill Ward)
Ronnie James Dio
Van Halen
Patti Smith
Slayer
Aretha Franklin
Marvin Gaye
Sepultura
R.E.M
Grandmaster Flash and the Furious
Ray Charles
James Brown
Nirvana
Stevie Wonder
Chuck Berry
Iron Maiden
Pealr Jam
B.B. King
Les Paul
Rolling Stones
The Who (Pete Townshend, Roger Daltrey, Bassist John Entwistle, Keith Moon)
Simon and Garfunkel
Jimi Hendrix

It will take time but you MUST do this!
The future of this godforsaken society depends ON THIS!!

# 3

Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie.

# 100

On religion: Trust in George Carlin... For further reference also see George on the 10 commandments.

# 525

She can’t be friends with everyone.